My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
