things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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