she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize