Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
