Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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