i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
