I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
