i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
