Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
