apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
