I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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