it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
