I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
