i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
