so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
