I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
