True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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