We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
