i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize