Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
