Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
