I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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