Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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