my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
