is your mom at the bar?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
