When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
