dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
