hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
