you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm passing your future prison.
my shit smells like andre
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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