she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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