dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Come share oat with me in your robe
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
