You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I am available for nakedness
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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