i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
