Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
