I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
