I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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