Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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