Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
