Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize