Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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