hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
