I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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