official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
