hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
