you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
