non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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