drinking out of a sandbucket again
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
