I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
