I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
