Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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