Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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