I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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