I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
