"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
