Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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