Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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