I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
