you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
