Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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