I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
