Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
