What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
