He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
