Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
