i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
