Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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