don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
