hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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