Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Oh god it's open bar.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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