She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
