im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
