Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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