Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
