You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
