The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There are leaves in my underwear?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
