Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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