Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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