I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
