Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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