What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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