The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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