is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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