I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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