So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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