I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
