I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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