HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
