I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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